Wednesday, January 06, 2010
today is the second day. suppose to go work at 9am. but i slept at 4 plus the night before. so i woke up at 1. haha so reach my work place at 2. the same things repeat. it jus flows. i finish the impt stuff and i jus want to go. seriously not in the mood to work. so i left at 5. i only work for 3 hrs! the same thing repeat again. it just flows.im almost home and i received a msg from him. asking me to meet him after his work. i thought he have seriously thought over what he really wants. so i replied him asking him wer to meet and what time. he said sth like meet him after his work. 9.30pm. and i replied him asking him whether he really thought over what he wanted. he replied 'i want darlin' i find it so childish. and told him the same thing again. and i gave him my blog so that he know hw terrible i have felt because of what he have said for the past few days. and after awhile he ask me to go down saying that he have really thought what he want. he did not came at 9.30. though i ask him to think properly before i meet him, but when the clock strike at 9.30 pm. i donno why i just cldnt do anything and always looking at my door. was i hoping to see him? i donno. anyway he did nt come. he only came at 11pm. suddenly i have this feeling that he's so selfish. when he feels that he needs time to think. he treat me like shit. when he said that he wants me he changed again. i feel like a spare tyre. he needs me then he ask for me. he needs his friends then he ask me to stand one side. im so sad. i feel so terribly upset. i dare to say i love him as much as last time. i love him as much as when we just started. but i don dare to go near him. im afraid of falling into his arms again and letting him pushing me away like he did before. im afraid. i donno what he wants now. i donno how he thinks anymore. i feel that he's like a stranger. i hope to give myself a bit more time to think even though i know days without him i don feel good. i don feel happy. but if i go back to him now, will i feel good? will i feel happy? i donno. its so contradicting. from the night i left him, telling him to think over what he really wanted, in my heart, i tell myself that its oled over. cos i don dare to hope for him to come back to me. im afraid. i donno when he will reply me with his answer. and i donno what kind of answer i will get. i rather make myself like an insane person without soul. donno what im doing than hoping for him to come back to me. even though deep deep down inside my heart i do not wish that. i would rather die if u hv ask me to leave him. i donno what im blogging now. its a mixed feeling. the same thing happens again. i did not eat for the whole day only till night time i went down and eat with my sisters. and i ate two bowls of rice. not that im too starved. but i just eat. maybe i want my stomach to feel bad rather than i feel my heart ache. hoping that tmr will be even a better day for me!
