Tuesday, January 19, 2010
today went for presentation. while waiting for my group to present, i received his msg. its like a bonus. he's asking me to eat breakfast. and i asked him. 'darlin do you want to wish me good luck for my presentation?' and he replied. all the best darlin! eat ar. i really wonder whether the word darlin he mention in his msg is because i still address him as darlin that's why he din want to make me feel sad then put darlin or he still like me. i really donno. and i don dare to ask. cos im afraid to know the truth. as truth hurts all the times. today was a bad day, start of the day im having headache. and its throughout the whole day. and i feel giddy throughout the whole day too. im like afraid that i might faint anytime. but i din tell anyone. as i feel that he no longer care. but wadever i do now, i still think of him. wherever i go now it still always remind me of him. i would always rem hw we do things at that particular place. almost everywhere i go, there's memories of him. no matter hw small the thing is. maybe we just held our hands and walk pass a pathment. i would still flash back in my mind and tears starts to roll. suddenly i feel that maybe since he have oled chosen to give me up, i shd just accept his decision. keep holding on to it, gives me a feeling that he's feeling irritated about me. he made himself so clear, keep telling me he's not being appreciative of what i do for him. keep telling me he won't change for me, keep telling me he don bother about me anymore, keep telling me he wanted to rest, keep giving a feeling that he's asking me to fuck off, asking me to stay away from his life. it's been a week. or maybe it's three weeeks. im wondering whether i should hold on to it so tightly or not. i feel so hurt. when he knows that im oled so hurt, he still keep telling all these to me. i don know whether im able to let it go. maybe like what other pple says : the amount of time u have been tgt, will be the amount of time needed to let it go. so i guess i need near to 4 years. i still miss him as much, i still want to see him as much, i still want to hug him as much, i still want to kiss him as much, i still want to have him as much, i still love him as much. i love you.
